Following on from my burglary, things went from bad to worse. Three days later my washing machine packed in. Not good. Not good at all. If I had to choose one item I couldn’t live without, it would be my washing machine.

But I couldn’t just pop to the shops for a new one cos, of course, I was still waiting on my bank cards being replaced. (just as an aside, how the hell do people manage without a debit card?) Finally had to transfer money to son’s bank account, (thank god for Internet banking) and send him to the shops to pick up the new washer.

So far so good.

Till he disconnected the old washer and damaged the pipe causing a flood of biblical proportions. (Okay, so I’m exaggerating, but hell, this is the internet and you’re not meant to believe any of the stuff you read on here anyway). So then I set out to get a plumber to come fix the leaking pipe.

It would have been easier to fry an egg on an iceberg. Really, I kid you not.

Either they didn’t answer their phones, or they didn’t turn up when they said they would. And bear in mind, all this time my pile of dirty clothes is getting bigger. Lord knows what I’d have done if I’d ran out of clean knickers!

Thankfully Iley’s plumbing services in Shotton saved the day. Bless the guy, he’d just finished work when I rang but he still came straight round, sorted out the leak and plumbed in my washing machine while he was on. That’s what you call service.

And he didn’t charge as much as I’d been quoted by the idiots who didn’t even really want the job anyway. The rest of you no good plumbers should take notice of how to really run a business.

So I’d like to dedicate this post to him and hope everyone looking for a plumber in Durham gives this guy the job.

Unfortunately, I didn’t lock my door when I went to bed. My bad. Does that mean it’s my fault?

Like hell is it?

I may have made it easier for the thieving gits to get in, but nobody has the right to come into my home and take my property, regardless of whether the door is open, closed, locked or not.

Frankly, I’m more than a little pissed right now. Not just at the gits who broke into my home last night. But at the whole bloody world we seem to be living in. A world where folks have no respect for other folks. And where the bloody do-gooders are more worried about protecting the human rights of the criminals than they are with protecting the rights of the victims.

Props to the two lovely coppers who came out to see me after the event. And to the lovely lady from down the street who found my purse and promptly rang me to return it.

I would like to leave a message here to the morons who did it. But alas, they probably wouldn’t read it and I would hate for the rest of you to realise just how low down and dirty I can really get when the need arises. So I’ll content myself with passing the message on in person when I catch up with them.

But she did.

And it’s just not fair.

Sure there are other things in life that aren’t fair either. Just like there are some people that don’t matter.  But right now. Today. I don’t give a shit about any of them.

V, hun, take care up there. We’ll miss you down here.

X

I don’t know how come I’ve never made the push before to actually make my dreams come true. Maybe I didn’t think my dreams were as important as other people’s? Or maybe I didn’t really believe I deserved to have them come true. Or maybe I was just too damn lazy to do what needed doing!

Cos that’s the thing with dreams. They don’t come true all by themselves. You have to help them along a little. And not by chanting some nonsensical mantra for 15 minutes every day. If you think that’s going to help you then think again petal. It ain’t. But maybe you like dreaming your dreams more than living them. Who am I to argue?

I can’t remember the last time I was so looking forward to the year ahead. My life has been a bit of a mess (ok, who am I trying to kid? It’s been a helluva big mess) for years now. Even the people who’ve shared it with me can’t believe half the stuff that’s actually happened. But finally I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m not convinced it’s just another train coming at me from the other direction.

And the moral of this little story?

Get off your arse and start making your own dreams come true. Make this the year you start living your dreams instead of just dreaming them. You don’t have to live them all at once. One at a time, slow and easy.

The only one standing in the way of making your dreams come true is you. So move.

Of course that was when Google was in fact a search engine. Now Google is nothing more than a  lazy fat ass bitch who thinks all I want to do is spy on my mates and see what they’re interested in. Get real Google!

If I want to know if my friends recommend a restaurant, or a holiday company, or a book, or any other damn thing, I will ask them. Not you.

You are not my mate. You are (or were) a search engine. You are supposed to show me completely original, unbiased results when I ask you something. Not just regurgitate what my mates are looking at.

Ok, I know it’s a hard job keeping up with everything that gets posted on the Internet every minute of every day. I know there’s a lot of crap out there and sifting through it just so you can show it to me might be a pain in the arse for you. (Do search engines have arses?) But that’s what you are paid to do.

And you are paid for it. Quite handsomely I might add. Those ‘sponsored links’ you throw in all over the place don’t come cheap. Are you going to remove them considering I’m (supposedly) only interested in seeing what my mates are interested in? Cos I can tell you right now, not a single one of my mates is interested in any of your sponsored listings!

Get off your lazy butt and get back to searching the Internet for what I want and quit relying on my mates to tell you!

So, on to 2012 and those pesky new year resolutions that we all make and then drop like hot bricks, usually before the first week is out. Ok, so maybe you don’t drop your resolutions that quickly. If you don’t, then you’re a smart arse and should be very proud of yourself. For the rest of us mere mortals, dropping them is almost as much of a tradition as making them in the first place.

This year, however, I figure I’d best stick to mine because it may well be the last chance I get. (Seeing as how the world is ending ya know ) And then I thought, if I stick them up here for the world to see, I’d have to stick to them or y’all would know what a loser I am and I can’t possibly let that happen! So here you go.

Releasing the Skinny Bitch

She’s in there somewhere. Hiding behind the layers of fat and the years of being Mrs Nicey Nicey. Stripping away the fat will no doubt be a lump easier than remembering to tell folks to get lost when they ask for stuff they have no right asking for.

For years, I’ve opted for the peaceful life and just let folks get on with doing whatever it is they’re doing. I used to put in my two-penneth but then realised it was a waste of time because they’ll do it anyway, regardless of whatever I say or think or feel. So I’ve tended to save my breath in the hope of saving my sanity.

That ain’t gonna happen anymore. It hasn’t worked out as well as I’d hoped. In fact, it hasn’t worked out at all. Opening my mouth or keeping it closed has no effect on what other people do. But it will at least give me the satisfaction of knowing Iam being a bitch.

Fulfilling My Dreams

This year sees me taking my girls to Florida. I’ve only been wanting to go for the last 20 years. Ever since my own kids were little. Never had the money to do it, and still don’t if I’m honest. But some things are more important than money. And dreams are one of those things.

I can live without Sky tv. I don’t need an expensive mobile contract. Going out partying isn’t really my scene. And seeing as how I won’t be eating any more takaways (see above about losing the fat) there’s even more money to be saved!

All of which is going to the Florida fund, or the, ‘fulfilling my dreams’ fund. Any shortfall will be made up by my credit card company. They’re nice like that. And if I’m really lucky, I won’t even have to pay it back because the world will end shortly after we return anyway.

World Peace in Shotton

That’s it. That’s all I want. I’m not asking for world peace for the whole of the world, though if you could swing it, that would be super awesome. For now though, I’ll settle for just having it in my own little corner of the globe. In fact, if I’m brutally honest, I’ll settle for world piece just here in my own home and the rest of Shotton can get on and deal with their own wars themselves.

You see, Christmas is supposed to be about giving and loving and goodwill to all men. All that stuff that makes you feel good inside. Instead, it seems to be about which latest (and most expensive) gadget you can persuade Santa to leave in your stocking. And of course, your gadget has to be better than your mates, and you have to get more of them than anyone else, or your life just won’t be worth living.

Check out the shops. They’re full of screaming kids, all dragging their parents round the gadget aisles, Kindles, ipods, smartphones,…. the list goes on and on and on and on…. Give me a break from it all. Please. Pretty please. Pretty pretty please.

Hopefully, you’ve got lots of reasons to live for. Things that make you wanna get up in the morning, do the best you can do, be the best you can be. And it doesn’t matter what your reasons are. All that matters is that they do their job and obviously they do or you wouldn’t be here reading this.

So, without further ado, let me introduce you to two of my biggest reasons for living.

You know how there are all these motivational videos made? And folks go watch them in their millions over on YouTube?

Well, bugger that for a lark. Make your own motivational video.

Dig out your photos and turn them into a video that you can watch day in and day out. Over and over and over and over…

When life gets you down, (and it will cos life’s a bitch like that) all you gotta do is hit the play button. Simples.

Personally, I think it’s a choice. Or a series of choices. Took me a while to work that out mind you. I used to think there were very few choices in life. You had to get on and play with the cards you’d been dealt.

Wrong.

If you don’t like the cards you’ve been dealt, hand them in for new ones. Easier said than done? Maybe, but it’s a helluva lot easier than playing with a handful of jokers.

Jokers. That there is what’s wrong with your life. See, the company you keep dictates pretty much everything else to do with your life. And if you’re hanging around with losers and deadbeats you can’t really expect to be living the life of riley can you? Cos, let’s face it. Riley is no loser!

I took the decision a few years ago to rid myself of all those jokers who were nothing more than a PITA (pain in the arse, for those of you who don’t know ). It started with the ex, but then, seeing as how I was on a roll, I just kept on going.

My mates now are few and far between. Scattered across the globe, and some of them I haven’t even met face to face. But they’re mates nonetheless. Folks who I can trust, folks who are there at any time of day or night, folks who make me feel good about myself and my life.

Do yourself a favour. Get rid of the jokers. Get rid of the losers. Get rid of every single person who isn’t making you feel like a million dollars. And if you end up with nobody else in your life but you that’s ok.

Really it is.

Do you know why women stick with fellas who beat them up? Or cheat on them at every given opportunity? Or throw all the money away on drink or gambling? Or do any one of a hundred other things that just serve to make those women’s lives miserable?

Because those women let them. And the reason they let them is because they think it’s better than being on their own. Because at least having a man (any man) proves that they’re somehow attractive/useful/wanted/needed… You’ll notice I didn’t put ‘loved’ in there. That’s because they know they’re not loved. They aren’t stupid.

Yeah, life might be a bitch at times. But then so am I. And so are you. Doesn’t mean it has to be that way all the time.

Now (also luckily) most folks go about backlinking the right way. But for those of you insist on doing it by spamming, I’m going to cut you some slack today and pretend like you only do it that way cos you don’t know any better.

However, being the lazy trout I am and given the fact I’ve already spoken about spamming, I figured I’d cheat this time and repost an article written by mate Lee. She explains it so much better than me anyway.